Why Grief? Why do you want to specialize in grief support?

Dec 21

I’ve been hearing this question for as long as I have been a Certified Child Life Specialist. “How can you do that work? Isn’t it sad? Isn’t it hard?”

The answer to this question isn’t that simple or straight-forward. Yes, it is sad and hard some days, AND it is also so immensely rewarding to be a helper and healer for someone facing the most difficult time of their lives. See the word and there? I’m a big believer of the word ‘and’ instead of ‘but’. Two contrasting ideas or feelings can and do coexist—-so very often in life and in grief.

Grief and Joy.

I have found myself in this space as a professional and as a bereaved mother myself more times than I can count. As a professional, I have sat with dying children, creating space for special moments with their family members that last a lifetime.

Shared stories and memories, laughter with sad tears, healing activities that allowed for connection and comfort. Personally, I have and continue to live with grief and joy after saying goodbye to several babies lost to miscarriage and the stillbirth of my beautiful daughter. Where there is great love, there is great grief. You grieve as long as you love and love as long as you grieve.

Griefwork has become intertwined with who I am. I often gravitate towards wanting to help others through difficult life events, as I know how much that support is needed and how I felt when receiving the much needed support. I find the gaps in services for the bereaved and go there, creating new resources to make a difference for as many lives as I can touch.

I’d like to say that I have always had above average skills with working with bereaved families, especially after supporting over 300 families through the death of their child in the first 5 years of my child life career. However, even with the sheer number of bereaved families that I have supported, it never totally hit home until I was the one on the other side.

I never fully understood what it was like to go home with your heart ripped to shreds. I never fully understood that grief is a life-long process that you learn to carry with you. I never understood just how messy and all-consuming grief gets. You learn it in the books, but it just is not the same as living it firsthand.

I also never understood that the love and connection with a child or other loved one that died can be so incredibly strong long after that person is not around in the physical realm. I never fully understood the beauty and impact in healing and therapeutic activities for myself, my husband, and for our living children.

There is such beauty in helping a child understand and cope with BIG stuff. They are proud of what they learn, even if they also feel sad at the same time. There is beauty in seeing a budding or continuing relationship between a child and someone that has died.

I could go on for quite some time with more in depth examples, but to wrap it up…There is beauty, light, and joy within the work of grief and bereavement. It fills my bucket to help children develop a better understanding, coping, and healing through life’s toughest moments.